Stunned Beyond Articulation: The Las Vegas, NV Extended Version DVD with Additional Scenes and Director`s Commentary

Friday evening. An innocuous glance at my regularly rumpled countenance in the mirror. What do i spy, what doth plagueth my eye? There is a TENTACLE growing from the back of my left ear! An elongated tendril that threatened to strangle my cranium, my wife (THE WHAMMINESS SPRANG INTO ACTION WITH GARDEN SHEARS!! SHE IS DAUNTLESS!!), after taking a picture of the greasy ebony vine with her cellphone, detached the offending follicle from the victimized aural appendage with a precise swipe, and order was restored. This is the aging process, kids...surreptitiously ninja-like, feral and malevolent and just plain sucky.

We are proud to announce a new and welcome addition to our household: Optimum Online!! Now i can listen to TV Tunes on Radio@AOL, tormenting my long-suffering wife (THE WHAMMINESS LOVES HER HUSBAND BUT REALIZES HE NEEDS LOTS OF HELP IN SEVERAL DEPARTMENTS) with musical gems like Oscar the Grouch growling "I Love Trash" and the cast of "Frasier" singing the theme song from the James Bong flick "Goldfinger". Finally, my existence has been granted purpose!! <----Don't take that literally; bear in mind, i AM a lunatic.

Valentine's Day was great, bought flowers for my wife (THE WHAMMINESS HAS MANY VASES FOR MANY VARIETIES OF FLORA!) and mother-in-law. Folks that speak ill of the holiday should shush. A "friend" (of course, putting that word within quotation marks indicates she is not a friend at all!) sent a mass e-mail to condemn those that celebrate the holiday to death by stoning. CALLATE, CHICOS Y CHICAS! Ya bug me.

Random addition: DON'T SPILL THE FRIJOLES!

Sayonara, chromosome-abusers.