Nonetheless, It Was a Delicious Reuben and a Scrumptious Piece of Apple Pie...

Those out there in Nifty Zippy Dorito Land who have read my wife's blog (THE WHAMMINESS HAS STUNNED THE HULKSTER WITH A DEVASTATING ATOMIC DROP!) may find this particular (OH DEAR...THE WHAMMINESS IS HOVERING BEHIND MY SHOULDER WITH HER HANDS ON HER HIPS DECLARING THAT I AM ABOUT TO BE "PATSHED" FOR ASSOCIATING HER REGALOSITY WITH THE WORST WRESTLING FEDERATION CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF THE INDUSTRY) post dangerous nuclear candy; Bergen County, one of the wealthiest counties in the United States, is a cesspool. A morsel of free-of-charge wisdom to those travelling the GSP or the Turnpike in their Windstars or Pontiac Hatchbacks or Volkswagen Jettas: If you want to avoid being slurped ravenously into this quagmire, depress your foot upon the pedal on the right until the gauge somersaults into triple digits and maintain your speed until you hit the Tappan Zee. i have lived amongst the lot of Bergen County cookie crumbles for nearly 21 years before i fled to the sanctity of central NJ, and i can communicate only despair and "tsk tsk" in regards to my erstwhile residence. i have been in my hometown (name withheld because go fuck yourself, that's why) for the past two weekends cleaning out my wife's (WHAMMY TO THE 27TH POWER! IT'S INCALCUABLE!) grandmother's house. All of the debris of the universe, the accumulation of galactic afterbirth, was gathered in dusty, grimy gobs throughout her infested abode, and naturally i had to wear the Mr. Helpful hat and play nicely. My reward? Gratitude. Eh. I'll cope.

sayonara, nailbiters. Heed my words!