Sophisticated bibliophiles will celebrate this namedrop: Too Much Coffee Man. i mention the name because i am the living embodiment of his darkly roasted demeanor. Coming out of the invigorated lucidity is akin to the final scene of every episode of "The Incredible Hulk"--Dr. Banner afoot on the highway, Sad Walking Away Music as the haunting melody of his affliction.
Within the past 48 hours, i have consumed coffee with calculated consideration with earnest hopes of the provocation of various nighttime visions, and my subconscious has delivered: i worked in a brightly-lit corporate environment, the envy of my colleagues who tried in vain to match my productivity. Suddenly, straight outta an Irwin Allen 70's classic--EARTHQUAKE!! Loud and catastrophic! i boomed the command to my co-workers: "SCATTER! FLEE! RUN, ASSHOLES, RUN!" i shoved my immediate supervisor out of the path of harm when a ceiling fan plunged from its ceiling fixture. He threw me a grateful grin and a thumbs-up, but i didn't have a second to respond; a zip-line (?!?!) materialized and i was zooming helter skelter, plucking professionals from peril and tossing them to safety (where was safety? didn't know...i reckon that's the kind of minor detail that is overlooked but ought to be reasonably addressed...hey, just like a big-budget disaster movie!). Eventually the disaster had ended, metropolitan serenity restored, and i found myself on an elevator to the 57th floor of an adjoining, apparently undamaged, edifice. When the doors opened, i saw three lumberjacks, stench of maple syrup and melted crayons in the air, who celebrated my name as the Savior Superior, showering me with gifts ranging from $10,000 in five dollar bills to every episode of "Tales from the Darkside" on something DVD-like called "Maxi-Disk" (square and transparent). i was also given a green pentagonal gumball which, when concentrated upon, gave its user the ability to re-arrange television continuity to his/her diabolical whims. Okay, so what would you do in that situation? What's that you say? Hmm? You would take two horrendous sitcoms that never should have existed initially, "Mork and Mindy" and "Martin", and mash the 2 together? i concur. Mork was a philosopher without any extraordinary abilities who often sought the advice of his hip, jive-talkin' MIDGET friend, portrayed by Martin Lawrence, who dwelled in a subterranean hideaway. They would play Uno and hit each other over the head with empty plastic bottles. Studio Audience laughs on command or suffers posterior flambe (hot seat!). i rule the t.v. mainstream with an iron fist, and i am not referring to the martial arts Marvel Comics hero of the late 70's-mid 80's.
By the by, during this entire dreamscape, i was wearing a kilt.
Yeah, i don't know what i am doing here, either...
