Go Towards the Light, Go Towards the Light...No no, Go Towards the Calamari...
The first morsel of dumbness that i will address involves the unjustifiably underappreciated king of the blue and salty, Aquaman.
Yes, Aquaman. Poor fella. People don't like the guy. This bothers me immensely. You and the wife take a Carnival Cruise to the Islands Where Tourists Get Eaten Alive, both of you are out on the lido deck feeling warm and fuzzy, one too many Fuzzy Navels, SPLASH! you're in the deep. Here comes the sharks! Oy ve, doom and gloom with pointy teeth! Hoi polloi, what is this...!? The sharks are being squished by a number of slimy tentacles! Two friendly giddy dolphins have emerged to carry you to safety! Tons of happiness! YAY AQUAMAN!
"The State", you remember that t.v. show, yes? Michael Ian Black, the schmuck whose career is so ludicrously abysmal that Tinseltown has demoted him to render uninspired witticisms on those VH1 "I Love the 80's/I Love the 90's/I Love the 70's/I Love Ham and Cheese" programs, was on that MTV variety series back in the mid-90's. There was a skit on that show that caused me to throw a clock radio at my life-size cardboard stand-up of Bret "Hitman" Hart that involved the members of the Justice League of America harassing the Atlantean Avenger, mocking him by saying "Go talk to some fish!" Bummed me out. "The State" was such a nice group of youngsters until the airing of that particular episode. CHICKEN POX ON THEIR PRIVATES!!
Aquaman will gather all of the denizens of the hydrosphere in a revolution against the air-breathers and there will be bloodshed, most certainly. He won't harm me, so i am not concerned. i'm a booster! Treat your goldfish nicely, world!! That little fishy knows what's happening...
