My Excalibur is a No. 2 Pencil

This weekend, i am participating in a tournament in Connecticut for crossword puzzles enthusiasts. My wife (SEE THIS SCAR?? THAT'S THE PRICE I PAID FOR IGNORING THE WHAMMINESS!! I SAW A SHINY OBJECT! I WAS DISTRACTED!! THE WHAMMINESS DEMANDS CONSTANT EYE CONTACT!!) has been giving me a lot of helpful advice for success, such as answering all of the horizontal clues that i know first, then answering all of the vertical clues, then filling in the blank squares inbetwixt as the puzzle comes together. i can't consider the humiliation i shall bring upon my clan if anything less than the acquisition of the ultimate prize occurs. No undue pressure! i could become a tangle of nerves on the battlefield. Maybe i'll get a t-shirt out of this experience. Pencils will be sharp, minds will be sharper.

We all require specific diversions. Mine go up and down.

Sayonara, teethgrinders.