THUD!

So this is blog, huh? Freakin' wild. My lovely wife--the illustrious goddess of thunder, lightning, and whammy bars--has been pestering me to join this band of misfits, reprobates, and ne'er-do-wells since...heck, what does it matter? i am here, in it for the long haul and waiting for the low hum, and i am ready to play dodgeball.

COUGH!

There exist specific ideologies in society that are downright loathsome. These beliefs, popular or generally ignored, give me mental paper cuts. i want to acknowledge a selection of these dreadful gremlins, shake their hands, invite 'em into my spacious (AUDACIOUS!) apartment, tie 'em to cold and uncomfortable steel folding chairs, and hurl five-dollar SAT vocabulary at 'em until they shrivel to the size of dust mites. At that juncture, these diminutive once-mighty snippets of nastiness will suffer the ultimate indignity of being squashed beneath my black Chuck Taylors.

Sounds neato, huh? Yeah, i'll getcha. The aforementioned information is a disclaimer to those will traipse in my muck. Chew the disclaimer 37 times before swallowing, wash it down with Snapple. Please heed that advice because i am the authority on choking and gagging due to my notoriously small gullet which prevents me from ingesting food without incident. My wife (BOW DOWN BEFORE HER WHAMMINESS!!) insists that there is no such thing as having a small gullet, but that topic is highly argumentative.

My wife provided the layout for my blog since i am technologically inept. She is the cat's meow! Right now, she is tormenting the household feline with bubbles, so i must tend to that highly critical matter.

Sayonara, kids.