H+36651

i can't offer any manner of explanation for this blog title...the wife (YOU!! THE ZIPPITY-DOO-DAH FREAKAZOID WITH THE GRINNING SKELETON TATTOO!! YOU MUST REGARD THE WHAMMINESS WITH REVERENCE AND AWE!! THE REPERCUSSIONS ARE GRISLY!) slammed down her fist on the keyboard and that's what emerged on the screen. Can't battle kismet; kismet has fangs.

Today's entry focuses on the urge of the homo sapien population of this revolving blue-and-green orb to dance, dance, dance their cares into limbo-like status. All this dancing isn't relevant. Kellogg's Raisin Bran is relevant. Cacti are relevant. Venus flytraps are relevant. i don't know. Just seems to me like we are all in a lot of trouble...

Two divergent thoughts on two different highways:
The Turnpike: i owned a Venus flytrap three years ago. Our time together was brief. Venus flytraps subsist on a steady digestion of wayward insects and bits of meat. The meat was accessible; the insects eluded capture. i tried a strip of thick adhesive tape but the bugs were savvy. So, the Venus flytrap expired. My wife (THE WHAMMINESS IS ELECTRIC!! 10,000 VOLTS TO THE REVOLUTION!!) fed it hamburger and was crushed upon learning of its demise. *sigh* c'est la vie, boogers, and sonuvabitch.

The Highway: not too long ago, i caught an episode of the funnier-than-it-initially-looks sitcom, "Laverne and Shirley", on that network that consistently satisfies like an Oreo smoothie, TV Land. Laverne was the 1,000th customer of the local grocery store, so she and Shirl won a shopping spree, and it was neato-bo-beato. if i won a shopping spree at the Stop 'n' Shop, my spree would be limited to two aisles: the milk and the cereal. Lotsa milk, lots more cereal. i can get by on cereal and milk, FO' REAL, YO! Kellogg's Frosted Flakes, Kellogg's Corn Pops, Rice Krispies, Rice Krispies TREATS cereal, Cinnamon Life, Kix, Oreo O's, Cap'n Crunch, Cookie Crisp...it's gonna be beautiful, this paradise of cereal and milk. Those who dare invade my eden (aside from my boo-tee-ful bride) get plucked from the timestream.

Today i inadvertently took my wife's wallet to work with me, so she had to drive to her grandfather's house minus the proper paperwork. i'm a stinkdoodle, but she loves me because i get her juice.

sayonara, grasshoppers.